A Planning Pal If there’s one thing we know about an excited bride, it’s that she tends inundate herself with planning tasks and can become overwhelmed. For this reason, the bride will need your help! First and foremost, you want to be sure to be on and by your bride’s side for all things wedding. Her planning journey will be one of the most emotional, chaotic, yet fun processes in her life, and she will likely need a lot of support from you! Bridesmaids, especially if there are many of them, can be difficult to coordinate. The bride may first and foremost inform you that you will have to buy your own dress. According to The Knot, “Bridesmaids are generally expected to pay for their own wedding-day ensemble (shoes and jewelry included).” Some brides might choose a dress for all of her maids, and if this is the case for you, you will have to hope that she makes a financially conservative pick. If you’re feeling like you will have trouble paying for your dress, it is perfectly okay to “tactfully work out a solution that suits both of you,” says The Knot.
Other brides will have each maid choose her own ensemble, giving each maid more monetary wiggle room. In this situation, you will need to search for dresses and send ideas to the bride as soon as you can according to the details and requirements she’s provided for you. Be sure to exchange dress and accessory finds with the other maids as well!
One of the bride’s most memorable moments during her engagement is the moment she picks her dress, but there’s a lot that leads up to that moment. The bride has to pick styles, do her research, visit various bridal shops, and depending on how picky she is, try on lots and lots of gowns. Some brides will invite her maids to accompany her when she goes dress shopping. As her maid, she trusts you to be honest with her about each dress, but tread carefully! Many maids make the mistake of pressuring a bride to put on a dress she doesn’t like or talking the bride out of a dress that fits the her taste but not the maid. Don’t be this maid! Instead, understand the bride’s taste and what she’s looking for. Popsugar explains, “Although the bride may ask for your advice several times throughout the planning process, she may not always want your black-and-white opinion. You’re one of the people who know her best, so whenever she asks for your input, step back and consider whether she wants a clear-cut stance or support for her choice.”
In addition to apparel, the maids are also in charge of planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party. The maid of honor should especially be honing in on these tasks, and although both are not required, they are certainly a lot of fun. The purpose of these events are not only to celebrate the bride and make her feel supported but also to foster bonding and kindle new friendships among the maids. After all, you’ll be spending a whole day working together for your bride, and growing closer leads to better teamwork! Keep in mind that “from the get-go, your best bet is to listen to the bride when she says what she needs. If she’s looking for a low-key bachelorette party, don’t hound her about a wild Vegas weekend,” Popsugar advises. There are plenty of ideas for these events all over the interwebs, but some of our favorites include spa days, brunches, and weekend road trips.
Your bride will ask for help and advice for many parts of her wedding. You may find yourself helping search for vendors or being part of the assembly line creating the escort cards, but simply knowing your core duties in the planning process will make everything go much smoother! Wedding Day Roles Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette (5th Edition) by Peggy Post lists the following roles and duties for bridesmaids:
-Attends rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and bridesmaids’ luncheon if there is one
-Supervises the children in the wedding party if asked
-Assists the bride at the reception as requested
-Participates in activities such as the receiving line and a bouquet toss
-Gives an individual gift to the couple or contributes to the bridesmaids’ gift for the couple And likewise for the maid or matron of honor:
-Helps the bride select the bridesmaids’ attire
-Helps address invitations and place cards
-Organizes the bridesmaids’ gift to the bride and often organizes the bridesmaids’ luncheon if there is one
-Holds the groom’s wedding ring and the bride’s bouquet during the ceremony
-Witnesses the signing of the marriage certificate
-Helps the bride during the reception (gathering guests for the cake cutting, dancing, the bouquet toss)
-Helps the bride change into her going-away clothes and takes care of the bride’s wedding dress and accessories after the reception
Although most these long-established responsibilities for the bridal party are common knowledge, many duties are over-looked. Last minute duties often fall on the maids when the bride is in the hustle and bustle of getting dressed on the big day. She Finds mentions that, “whether it is coordinating a flower delivery, confirming transportation, satisfying [the bride’s] last-minute junk food craving, or helping [her] use the bathroom, [the] bridesmaids should be ready to help out with anything.” Remember to be aware of what’s going on, and help to keep everything on schedule if need be. Along with that, your bride will likely have the classic, apprehensive, ants-in-her-pants feeling right before the walking down the aisle, and it’s your job to keep her calm, cool and collected. Make her laugh, lead some breathing exercises, and assure her that everything will be alright! As Peggy Post mentioned, you will be part of the receiving line if there is one at the reception, but this shouldn’t be the only time you interact with guests. As part of the bridal party, you should act as a host by introducing yourself and shaking hands, helping guests get to things like the guest book if they haven’t already, participating in the bouquet toss, and encouraging everyone to dance. Make a point to be the first on the dance floor and boogie like you mean it! After the reception, especially if the bride and groom had a send-off, help the couple’s family with cleanup and getting their items safely to their cars.
It may seem like a lot of work being a bridesmaid, but we assure you that everything will fall into place. Being in the bridal party is truly a lot of fun, and the bride will appreciate all of your help!
